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WATCH: Alice Waters Lands On TIME 100 Most Influential List

Wanna hear Alice Waters say “pedagogy” in her soothing, warbly tones while gazing in awe at her beautiful edible schoolyards?

Ronald McDonald Got A Makeover, Is The Equivalent of Old People Wearing Tight Jeans

Lately, Ronald McDonald’s been looking at itself in the mirror and wondering what happened to it, and who that sad, old clown staring back at him was.

WATCH: Jon Favreau Chops Fennel Like a Boss

Jon Favreau made an appearance on today’s episode of The Chew to promote his new film Chef, which hits theaters in a couple of weeks, and during his movie-inspired Cubano demo, he treated us to a first hand look at his newly-learned knife skills.

Vermont Will Likely Pass Nation’s First GMO Labeling Law

Vermont is poised to be the first state in the nation to require genetically modified foods to be labeled, thanks to a bill that has overwhelming support in both houses of the state legislature, as well as a governor who promised to sign it into law.

Florida Elementary School Stops Giving Kids Mountain Dew Before StandardizedTesting

Darios / We wish this was a case of a school actively raising a collective middle finger to the archaic practice of statewide standardized testing by letting its children run wild, but unfortunately, this seems to be a legitimate practice, based on someone’s reading of an “education journal.” Creel Elementary School in Melbourne, FL evidently provided students with regular infusions of Mountain Dew and trail mix before having them sit the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test (FCAT).

Breakfast Links: Stephen Colbert Would Rather Be Killed by A Cartel Than Put Lemons in His Guac

Watch Stephen Colbert Rant About the Lime Shortage (Eater) “Thankfully our Bud Light Lime is safe because it is flavored with Glade PlugIns.” 15 Captivating Works Of Art That Challenge The McDonaldization Of Society (HuffPost) Yeah, there was a Portlandia sketch about this very concept.

Travel Channel Gets Michael Voltaggio To Host a Parts Unknown Ripoff

So, as we were scrolling through Travel Channel’s latest lineup of green-lit series, coming to a Torrent host near you, one show in particular stuck out.

Main Ingredient in Sizzurp Now Illegal, Rappers Reportedly Going Bonkers

We write about food. And we write about celebrities. Which is the reason we are justifying informing our readership of this important food shortage: the main ingredient in the popular rap star beverage known as “sizzurp,” “purple drank,” and “sip sip” will no longer be produced, and has consequently led to dramatic sizzurp shortages throughout the nation.

So Wait, Is There Going to Be Another Eataly in New York? Maybe? Who Knows?

This morning, the New York Post reported that Joe Bastianich and his Magical Italians were in talks to put a second Eataly in New York City, which is probably the only city in the world that could use two Eatalys.

Bourdain Parody of the Day: ‘I Wear a Leather Jacket on My Heart and I Have Cigar Eyes’

A little background information: Mallory Ortberg is my arch nemesis. Or my soul sister, but since conflict is more compelling, let’s say arch nemesis.

Breakfast Links: Obama Dreams of Jiro Dreaming of Sushi

Obama Eats At One Of The World’s Best Sushi Restaurants (AP) Yes, the leader of the free world somehow scored a reservation for dinner at the legendary sushi restaurant Sukibayasho Jiro, along with Japanese PM Shinzo Abe, US Ambassador Caroline Kennedy, and National Security Advisor Susan Rice.

Playtime: This Celebrity Chef Coloring/Activity Book Is Totally Charming

Josh Ozersky discovered a playful culinary coloring and activity book called Small Thyme Cooks, which he bills as being for “Children of All Ages,” but we, like him, just spent a really long time scrolling through the free downloadable pages on its blog, so it feels pretty adult-friendly to us.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Lifestyle Brand Goop In Serious Debt

Today is a special day. Today, we laugh at the follies of Gwyneth Paltrow, whose expensive “lifestyle brand” lifestyle has been discovered to be unsustainable.

WATCH: Ilan Hall Teaches Jimmy Fallon and Questlove How To Stuff Sausage, No One’s Masculinity Is Preserved

Ilan Hall stopped by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon last night, which was unfortunately and totally eclipsed by Brian Williams’ rendition of “Gin and Juice,” but no matter, because we’re here to catch you up.

Powdered Alcohol No Longer A (Legal) Thing; Feds Reverse Approval of Awesome Beverage

Sorry, alcohol enthusiasts: while we reported earlier that the federal government had approved powdered alcohol for public sale, it turns out that they made an error and that it’s actually not approved.

Breakfast Links: Guy Fieri Acknowledges His Cuisine Heralds End of Days

Flavortown USA: Behold the Menu for Guy Fieri’s New Las Vegas Restaurant (Eater) “Apocalyptic marinara” has never been so appropriate.

WATCH: Jon Favreau Puts Cute Little Boy to Work As Line Cook

Here’s another clip from the upcoming Jon Favreau movie Chef, which is shaping up to capture all the weirdness of celebrity chefdom, from social media to slightly illegal behavior.

WATCH: Xanax Bunny Visits Preschool, Hides Anxiety Meds in Easter Egg Hunt

The Xanax Bunny visited one very special little girl during a school-sponsored Easter egg hunt in Roseville, Michigan, gifting her an Alprazolam-stuffed plastic egg.

WATCH: Allison Robicelli Calls Nick Lachey an Idiot to His Face, It’s the Most Satisfying

Allison Robicelli of House Cupcake, our liege lord, popped up on VH1′s Big Morning Buzz to make gluten-free macaroons for Passover, refer to host Nick Lachey exclusively by his full name, and poke a gentle rib at his intellect that not even Jessica Simpson could miss.

Del Taco Accidentally Charges Customer $10,220 for Six Tacos

Thanks to a glitch, or an over-greedy employee, or something, a Del Taco in California accidentally charged around 150 customers thousands of dollars for their cheap quasi-Mexican takeout.