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Eddie Huang Can’t Catch a Break: WTF Is This Racist Ad for ABC’s Fresh Off The Boat?

More importantly, who the f*ck is getting fired for this ad? Fresh Off the Boat, the new sitcom inspired by Eddie Huang’s memoir, can’t stop crapping itself with stupidity.

Will Shake Shack Make You a Billionaire? Maybe, But It Will Definitely Make Danny Meyer One

What are you even doing reading this? Why aren’t you buying up all of Shake Shack’s shares to set your worth as a burger billionaire?

How to Cover Your Ass If You Haven’t Started Preparing For Your Super Bowl Party Yet

Wait a second, you actually agreed to have people over for the Super Bowl? Are you crazy? Super Bowl XLIX is just two days away and we are freaking the eff out for you.

Holy Sh*t, Team USA Won Silver at Bocuse D’Or

Proving once and for all that America can still reach the top. No seriously, Team USA’s silver medal at the 2015 Bocuse D’Or is a big f*cking deal.

WATCH: Rainn Wilson Hates Foodies Almost As Much As You Do

And hipsters. He really doesn’t like hipsters either. Rainn Wilson, actor and our beloved Dwight Schrute-turned-cop or something on some new show (we’re so hip on pop culture these days), stopped by Conan to lay into the foodies who’ve ruined food for all of us.

You Can Stream The Finale of the 2015 Bocuse D’Or

Need a reason to scream “USA! USA! USA!” at your work computer today? Here’s the reason. The Bocuse D’Or, aka the Olympics of chefs, is wrapping up its 2015 competition, and we’re watching some pretty people eat some really pretty foods.

It’s Snowing Like Crazy; Here Are Our Favorite Snow-Inspired Molecular Creations

OH GOD, MORE SNOW. Frankly, the only solution to our snowpocalypse/snowmageddon/bombgenesis (?!) woes we could think of to pass the time was looking through all of our favorite snow-inspired molecular gastronomy creations.

New Details on Borderline Abuse on Your Favorite Reality Food Shows, Top Chef: Desserts and Hell’s Kitchen

The New York Post is out to shed some harsh light on your favorite reality shows (like The Biggest Loser, a manic soft-of war against contestant’s bodies), and the spotlight shines bright on some of our most-watched food reality TV shows.

Get Ready, Martha: Gwyneth Paltrow Writing Third Cookbook

(Oh right, Gwyneth Paltrow has written more than one cookbook. Carry on.) Paltrow revealed on the Rachael Ray Show that besides promoting a very terrible-looking movie she’s also working on her third cookbook.

WATCH: David Chang, Lucky Peach Screwing With Us All, Gives Us ‘Ramen Fried Chicken’

First a ramen-omelet (the “ramlet”), then ramen-fried chicken? Or “RFC,” as the kids are calling it?!

Wylie Dufresne Would Use Foie Gras In His Super Bowl Snacks

What’s that now? You actually want to serve store-bought quacamole and queso made from Velveeta and Ro-Tel tomatos at your Super Bowl party?

Here’s An All-Emoji Review of Noma Tokyo (Because Literacy is Dead)

We simultaneously love, hate, and are amused by this all at once. Yes, Tejal Rao’s Bloomberg review of Noma Tokyo is worth reading in its entirety.

New Lawsuit Alleges Tom Colicchio Violated Labor Laws at ‘wichcraft

Eeeeeeeeesh. We don’t like. A new lawsuit alleges that Tom Colicchio and his partners in the yummy sandwich chain ‘wichcraft violated state and labor laws “by allegedly paying workers below minimum wage, docking tips and denying them overtime,” according to Page Six.

Want to Write for The Braiser?

Think you know it all about the best chefs in your city? The best restaurants? Chef social media meltdowns?

‘My Day On a Plate’ And Its Haters Are Food Shaming At Its Best

Today in “everyone is kind of the worst,” we have the Internet, self-righteous eaters, and the judgment of others.

Kitchen Nightmare, Part Two: Gordon Ramsay Loses Lawsuit, Owes $1M In Pub Rent

Another day, another legal battle (lost) by Gordon Ramsay. The high courts of England ruled against Ramsay in the feud between him and his estranged father-in-law, Christopher Hutcheson.

WATCH: Exclusive Sneak Peek at Tom Colicchio’s New Bravo Show, Best New Restaurant

Because it’s the worst month of the year (seriously, January = the worst) and we need some new shows to binge on, we cannot wait for the Tom Colicchio/Gordon Ramsay iteration of Best New Restaurant to premiere on Bravo already.

Dominique Ansel Adds a Tasting Table to the Pastry Trifecta, Called UP

Let’s recap: Dominique Ansel has his own epononymous bakery, Dominique Ansel Bakery. Then he announced plans to open up a more “dessert restaurant,” if you will, called Dominique Ansel Kitchen.

Want to Eat Like Padma Lakshmi? Head to the Frozen Food Aisle at Costco

The newest food personality to shill weirdness: Padma Lakshmi. Lakshmi is now selling a line of frozen foods in certain Los Angeles Costco stores, the Los Angeles Times reports.

This Is A ‘Ramlet,’ A Ramen-Omelet Hybrid from David Chang (Go Ahead and Freak Out)

Someone didn’t get the message that hybrid foods are like, so 2014. Still, we don’t even care because we would easily pound 12 of those “ramlets” in a row.