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WATCH: Paula Deen’s Christmas Is Perhaps a Nightmare

WARNING: This is the kind of video you watch, cock your head to the side, drop your jaw, and question everything you thought you knew about Christmas and your life as you know it.

Yet Another Chef Uses ‘Thug’ To Plan Distasteful Dinner (When Will People Ever Learn?)

Jesus, is 2014 the year of “thug” cooking? And can we make it stop already? Mike Isabella, former Top Chef-er and owner of Washington D.C.’s Graffiato, evidently thought he could jump on the Thug Kitchen train and ride it into stupidity.

Martha Stewart Just Won Christmas With Her Downton Abbey-Themed Gingerbread House

Leave it to Martha Stewart to make us feel insecure about our own gingerbread house-making skills (on top of our pie-making skills).

Can We All Agree to Not Bring Fireball to Christmas This Year?

We are all for drinking our way through the holidays, but please oh please, leave the Fireball at home.

Which Came First, Auntie Fee or Thug Kitchen? Auntie Fee Strikes Back (VIDEO)

Whoa, nelly. So, Auntie Fee is back, this time not cooking. In a new video just posted on Youtube, she does her hair (awesome) and then rants about Thug Kitchen, accusing the two (white) co-founders from stealing from her.

Roy Choi, Daniel Patterson Announce First Location of loco’l

Roy Choi and Daniel Patterson aren’t just planning to change the fast food game, as they announced their newest fast food venture together this summer at MAD.

Let’s Discuss Paul Bocuse’s Tattoo (and How Much Cooler He Is Than All Of Us)

Presented without comment, Paul Bocuse posted a pic of himself showing off his tattoo. We have so many questions.

12 Lady Chefs (and Non-Chefs) Who Owned 2014

Has there been a better year for female chefs? Probably not. After the inevitable sh*t show of 2013, what with TIME proclaiming that dudes basically run the food world, we didn’t have much hope for 2014.

Can Joe Bastianich Become a TV Star Outside of MasterChef?

Is it just us, or does everyone seem incredulous that Joe Bastianich could be even remotely popular in Italy?

When You’re Blake Lively, You Get Cooking Lessons From a Top Chef

Blake Lively may be no Martha Stewart, and by god no Gwyneth Paltrow, but she does have her connections.

11 Food Trends We Hope To Not See In 2015

‘Tis the season to be predicting all the sh*t you’ll be eating next year. And if we’re to believe everything the food media writes about, then we’ll be gobbling up all the bone broth, veggie fro-yo, and black burgers we could ever imagine!

According to David Chang, French Food Is Like, Over

And he blames himself for the death of French cuisine in America, while calling himself a Francophile (who loves cheap beer).

The Best Christmas Parody You’ll See All Year: ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Food,’ As Sung By a Pug

We feel this pug, and not just because Mariah Carey has infiltrated our brains with her most annoying song as it does every freaking Christmas.

Taco Bell Still Not Understanding The Definition of ‘Taco’

But getting there, at least. We have been over this before, Taco Bell’s apparent confusion as to its namesake food.

The Last-Minute Foodie Gift Guide For the Lazy

So you didn’t quite prep your turkey in time for Thanksgiving dinner, and you’re behind on your Christmas gift shopping.

WATCH: This Very ‘Real’ Congressional Hearing On Gluten-Free Skewers Your Gluten Allergy

No, it’s not real at all, but we too would crumble under oath should we be asked to enjoy a gluten-free doughnut.

WATCH: Shaq Makes Easy Bake Oven Holiday Treats, Don’t Ask Questions

Because Shaq with a childsize toy oven is a beautiful thing — truly, the gift that keeps on giving this holiday season.

WATCH: Anthony Bourdain Does Care About The Taste After All

Oh look, there’s Anthony Bourdain talking about The Taste! That’s a good thing. Our friend Ali Rosen at Potluck Video (disclaimer: yes she’s a friend of ours; yes she’s awesome) talked to Bourdain a bit more about the things he doesn’t usually get to talk about: The Taste, his publishing work, his target audiences for his many different shows.

WATCH: Allison Robicellli Shoves Nutelasagna in Nick Lachey’s Face, and All Was Well

It’s already the hottest dessert of winter 2014, so of course Allison Robicelli, of cupcake fame and now Nutelasagna fame, would bring her Nutelasagna to Nick Lachey on VH1′s Big Morning Buzz.

WATCH: The First Sneak Peek At Eddie Huang’s Fresh Off The Boat On ABC

It includes references to Notorious BIG, “white people lunch” as quoted by a teeny and adorable Eddie Huang, the American Dream, and Taiwanese shopping markets — oooh yeah, we’re in.