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I Love My Parents Yet Also May I Murder Them?

The Concessionist gives advice each weekend (ish) about the sordid choices of real life. Trouble? Write today.

New York City, March 26, 2015

★★★★ In the sleepy cloudshade of morning, a teen on the bench pinched a rolling paper in his fingers, surrounded by other teens.

Raise a Glass to Pure Water

Brought to you by Finlandia Water is a part of our lives in many ways that we often don’t think about.

Asswipes Bring Families Together

“We loved this show. My husband said he enjoyed the ‘wipes’ segment more than all the politics. He never watches MSNBC with me, but he got interested in this one.”

Yoga for the Silicon Valley Mogul

Silicon Valley’s most successful men—and it is exclusively men here!—are finding new ways to contort themselves in the glow of their own wealth, at the racetrack: Stan Chudnovsky, the head of product management on Facebook’s messaging app, pointed to another way that racing could be cheap: Renting a fast car for a day on the racetrack can sate one’s desire to buy one for the garage.

Thing Happens, Probably

“According to Topsy, Periscope has caught up to Meerkat on Twitter in just 24 hours. Yesterday, there were 23,693 tweets linking to Periscope URLs and just 24,029 linking to Meerkat livestream URLs.

Improvement Temporary

“[M]odern thinkers look to numbers for signs that show the emergence of a world founded on rational and moral principles.

Neurotica: Erotica For the Slightly Anxious

He pulled me close to him, his hips grinding up against my own. “I promise you,” he said. “I’m not into you because you remind me of my mother who was emotionally distant after my father died.” I kissed him, my heart pumping furiously now that he had answered one question that had been plaguing me all along.

Jamie xx, "Loud Places (feat. Romy)"

If even the fact that the weekend is within our grasp is not nearly enough to motivate you this morning I suggest you listen to this a little; it is bound to help.

New York City, March 25, 2015

★ Murk blurred the river, one of only two faults on a fine February morning, the other fault being that April was less than a week away.

The Best Places to Get Free Coffee in LA

From Sunset to Sun Valley, here are eleven of the city’s finest free coffee establishments. 1. Milt and Edie’s Drycleaners, Burbank Milt and Edie’s, which has been open twenty-four hours a day since 1962, offers far more than just coffee: they have free cookies, free hot dogs and popcorn, free treats for your dog, free flag-cleaning, and on their website, a page of free fashion tips with confident headings like, “How Long Pants Legs Should Be.” The free coffee comes out of an automated machine set beside a plate of Hydrox cookies, both types, and under a bulletin board advertising local businesses, mostly dog walkers and dialect coaches.

The Not-Trump of the Lower East Side

Welcome to Surreal Estate, a column in which we explore listings and stories from the tumultuous New York City real estate market.

A Poem by Morgan Parker

The Book of Negroes 1 You see the commercial on BET while you’re painting your nails. The women are only crying.

Talking to a Former South Pole System Admin

After we ran our piece about the new jobs at Port Lockroy, Antarctica, Sarah contacted me and asked if we’d like to learn about what it’s really like to work at the South Pole.

Time Money and Vice Versa

“In one hour of chore time saved, Mallon estimates she can make $1,000 for her company. Tech companies have long realized that if you hook up your employees with everything on site, they’ll work longer, more industrious hours.

Bitchin Bajas, "Marimba"

Fair warning: If you press play on this one you are probably going to keep playing it over and over again and again until suddenly an hour has gone by and you’re like, Huh, what have I been doing all this time, oh well, let me play this track once more.

New York City, March 24, 2015

★ The distressing undynamic March continued, more of the same, nothing but February with better lighting.

The Car Seat

If I had to choose the single worst aspect of parenting in the first year of a baby’s life, I have a very simple answer: the fucking car seat.

The Tiny Blue Box That Makes 'The Daily Show' Work

When you’re watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, or Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, you often see these comedians contextualize their commentary with short, specific news clips, like John Oliver’s use of a 5-second clip from a Bloomberg TV news show — just long enough to catch a newscaster saying “March Madness now brings in over a billion dollars in TV ad revenue” — in his recent NCAA segment.

Domestic Work and Tipping in Tanzania

When I first moved into my current house in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania’s commercial capital, my roommate had recently become a godmother to four puppies.