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Riding My Woman Into The Sunset

On my birthday tomorrow, I celebrate half a century of passionate living with half a week of passionate loving from a voracious and curvacious woman half my age at Mazunte Beach Jazz Festival.

Pope Francis Needs To Get Laid

The title of this post is neither disrespect nor jest but a serious theological proposal that I will now defend sincerely and brilliantly.

The Mississippi Cradle of American Music IV

New Orleans is where the Bible belt comes unbuckled. I realize this on Bourbon Street when a black transsexual offers me his unconscious, whiskey-drenched sister for a ten-dollar blowjob or a twenty-dollar screw.

The Mississippi Cradle of American Music III

Here I stand at the gates of Elvis Presley’s Graceland mansion—the Taj Mahal of tacky—architectural proof that the unexamined life can be worth living, if you’ve got the cash.

The Mississippi Cradle of American Music II

Led Zepplin’s Lemon Song and My Head's In Mississippi by ZZ Top are both referenced in the previous post of this musical history.

The Mississippi Cradle of American Music

From Vicksburg to Memphis, the Mississippi Delta was once a vast swamp of gum trees, panthers, snakes, mosquitoes, and malaria.

Mount Everest Just Aint Worth It

Reading Jon Krakauer's book Into Thin Air and seeing the new movie Everest about the same fatal climbing expedition led me to the same coldly analytical conclusion.

Hail Caesar and Heil Fuhrer Trump

I didn't intend to be a prophet in my recent post about Hillary Clinton. Yet, I accidently was. After doubting that Republicans could find any candidate as sordid, corrupt, and unfit for public trust as America's former first lady and permanent first hag, I added a comment that we still don't know what lies under Donald Trump's frightening hair.

Battle of the Sexes: Round III

Finca Don Gabriel is part coffee plantation and part enchanted tourist kingdom. No doubt the honeymoon ambience contributed some to my curvaceous partner's increasing apprehension that she'd be expected to put out.

Battle of the Sexes: Round II

Our journey to the coffee-growing village of Pluma, Oaxaca should have been short and simple. Yet, the best laid plans of mice and men who want to get laid oft go astray.

Battle of the Sexes: Round I

Your author once asked a barista, “Which is better: coffee or women?” She responded without hesitation, “Both are delicious, but the coffee won’t cause you much trouble.” This sage wisdom more or less captures the essence of my recent trip to a Mexican coffee plantation with a Mexican hippie girl.

My First Love Connects After 30 Years

My first love sent a Facebook invitation this week after 30 years incommunicado. Then, she sent me a touching letter.

Hillary Clinton Reveals America's Moral I.Q.

My parents voted for John F. Kennedy and Richard Nixon but wouldn't have done so had they known jack or dick about Jack's and Dick's character.

Mahatma Gandhi Was Not A Pacifist

People who think violence is inherently evil and avoiding it in all situations makes you a better person often tout Gandhi as a patron saint.

A Guided Tour of Lyn's Paradise

This beach is four blocks from my house. Would you believe it was totally deserted last Friday night, when I had a candlelit dinner on the sand with a charming and captivating woman?

Meditate On Author Raji Lukkoor's Butt

That's right people: you can meditate on Raji Lukkoor's butt. I don't mean focus your inner eye above her inner thigh.

Pacquiao Loses Match / Mayweather Loses Honor

The rules of boxing allow a fighter to avoid engagement with his opponent by clinging or running, but returning some fire simply looks better.

Primate Professor Returns to the Jungle

After a year of wilderness homesteading on my Mexican desert ranch and a month of wild pollenating on my Mexican desert flower, I have planted my white gringo ass on the jungle beaches of Huatulco, Oaxaca.

50 Shades of Gringo Sexual Dysfunction

My dangerously sexy Mexican woman and I performed our Valentine's Day duty by attempting to sit thru the "romantic movie" deemed "must see" by the global culture arbitrators of New York.

Bad-ass Moses and his Kick-ass God

Just saw the Ridley Scott and Christian Bale Moses epic that will be spreading around the globe this week.