“My father was a fascist. He was trained to be a terrorist in Mussolini’s army. He was anti-everybody.
“It was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. We were make-out buddies. Sometimes he’d talk to me during the day.
“I sliced the tendons in my finger while trying to cut away some waterproofing. I’d taken a few pain pills before, but I’d never been handed hundreds of them.
“I volunteered to be a background actor for a friend’s film last night. We were supposed to be celebrating an engagement on a rooftop.
“You’re encased in a disastrous matrix of fear and loathing. You’re just a function. You’re just a function of the universe.
“My parents brought me from Guatemala when I was fourteen. Immigration wasn’t as big of a deal back in the 70’s.
“I’m just trying to make people’s lives a little bit weirder. During the week I’m a supervisor at an insurance company.
“We met on a hike 25 years ago. He made the first move. He asked if he could help me up a hill.”
“I come from the small country of Gabon. It used to be the Switzerland of Africa. There are only 1.5 million people there.
“The War In Chechnya was going on during the time I was in law school. I remember watching a news report where a young boy walked up to a journalist and asked for help waking up his grandfather.
“We both know this could become one of those iconic photos. This could be one of those photos that they study one day: ‘Pretty Handsome Brother On The Corner With Obama Phone and $150 Watch.’ And we both know that if I wasn’t so statuesque, this photo never would have happened.
“We’re the worst terrorists in the world and it was a long time coming. This entire country was built on the slaughter of innocents.
“I’m a probate lawyer. I represent people who contest their parents’ wills. I want to write a book about all the things I’ve seen.
“My daughter just graduated from junior high, so I’m going to my first Demi Lovato concert tonight. It’s her and Nick Jonas.
“There are thousands of people like me. I saw them every time I went to the racetrack. Miserable motherfuckers, all of them.
“The Korean American community is very tight-knit. From the outside it can sometimes look like inwardness or selfishness, but it’s primarily based on survival.
“I want to YouTube about my life. I’ll call my channel Happy Is Always The Answer. It will be a popular channel because I’m the only crazy kid in my house.
“We don’t have any hobbies. But we do try to get together a few times a month to judge people and complain about things.”
“We weren’t poor or street. I came from a really good family. I had good examples all around me. My mother worked hard.
“I’m going to be a lawyer like Daddy. I talk a lot so I’ll be great at it. All you have to do is keep talking until you win.”